week 18
Silence. Thats all I could hear for miles around. I swam through orange sand in attempt to get to a nearby building. When I got there I saw that the building was the white house. Confused I walked in the building. As I entered I heard voices back and forth. I saw Hillery clinton in her pyjamas, and Donald trump with hair like thunder. I backed away slowly to try and get away when I hit something behind me. Well someone. It was a security guard."Where do you think you're going?"
I'm confused. How did you swim through sand? Your sentences are choppy, and you could change some periods to commas. Remember that last names are capitalized, and are you trying to include Donald Trump in all your stories? Also, that's has an apostrophe. How can someone have hair like thunder? Is that even a thing? You might want to read your story over to check for mistakes.
ReplyDeleteclinton should be capatalized and why are you swimming through the sand and its confusing in general
ReplyDeleteYour last sentences are really confusing and don't make much sense so you need to make it smoother. Also, Donald Trump's hair can't be thunder and it doesn't make sense. You can swim through sand so you need to clear that part up.
ReplyDeleteI am very confused also, why is donald trump's hair like thunder, it's not a very good describing word for his... hair.
ReplyDeleteAnd hillary clinton, why is she there to. And why did you have to go to a near a building, what were the noises . Please make your story more clear.
I aggre it get confusing a lot. Clean it up
ReplyDelete