Thursday, May 5, 2016
week 16
I sat round the crackling fire still feeling bored about this hunting trip. My dad had gone off to find some firewood when soon after he left, I suddenly heard a rustling noise behind me. I grabbed my dad's rifle a turned around. I almost vomited from the sight in front of me. It was a giant white bear. I jumped to the side and shot. I kept shooting but it just got madder. It rushed at me and clawed me. Pain exploded through my body. I dropped the gun and rolled.My eyes fading to blackness.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Very good story I don't have any feedback there's no mistakes.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence you need to change round to around. Also, you need a comma after firewood in the second sentence. The last sentence you need a space between the period and my.
ReplyDeleteYour story was a little bit confusing. In the first sentence you need to change round to around. I don't know if in the first sentence the word bored fits in, maybe you could say still regretting this hunting trip. In the third sentence you need to change a to and. If you see a bear won't you be scared instead of vomiting.
ReplyDeleteYou're missing a title...
ReplyDelete