Tuesday, February 2, 2016
100 WC week 5
My eyes shot open at the smell of smoke. Something bright and yellow was consuming my cradle. Then saw mommy dashing into the room. The next thing I know I'm on the roof of the house staring at some big strangers with wings. They looked like something from my baby bible. Anyway they reminded me of daddy so I laughed and reached out to him. The bright yellow light was at our tail as I glided through the sky in the arms of this stranger. Thats the day I learned fire was not a thing to touch.
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I love the words you used in the story like consuming my cradle. I think you should make the ending flow more.
ReplyDeleteWow! It's very descriptive! Though you said in line 2, "Then saw mommy dashing into the room" I now it's on a baby's prospective. but it doesn't really a make sense. In all great story!
ReplyDeleteYour story was really entertaining and you have really good gift of foods.
ReplyDeleteI really like your word choice for "consuming my cradle" as it flows really well. Be sure to check over for punctuation by using commas in the correct place and apostrophes. I am confused about the bright yellow light at our tail part. Remember to read your story out loud a few times to help with fluency.
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