Wednesday, February 17, 2016
week 7
"I'm telling you I'm innocent!" I shrieked in the interrogation room. Of course I was lying. Stealing a 1 million dollar diamond is not something most people find forgivable. I still remember how I did it it all started with the museum. I was waiting and waiting my patience running thin in my bones. It was time. As expected my laser cut through the glass silently. I gripped the diamond and disappeared into the night well almost. Until the door opened and there it was. The scene of about 12 police cars. "Aw com on I was so close too."
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I think your story is really funny at the end and I like your descriptive language.
ReplyDeleteIn idea I would have never thought of! Although, you spelt come com, and you need an comma between waiting and my (Its in the 3rd line).
ReplyDeleteI really like your story. You need a comma after waiting the second time, and I'm not sure about you saying 'my patience was running thin in my bones'. That sounds a little odd. Also, you need a comma after 'as expected'. I think you could put a comma or a period after night, before you say 'well, almost'. You also spelt come wwrong.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers to improve your story. I agree with some of you peers on their ideas to help improve fluency. Make sure you read your story out loud as it will help you catch errors in your sentences.
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